I follow the night
Can’t stand the light
When will I begin
To live again?

One day I’ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your Love do for me?
When will Love be through with me?

Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I’ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day when dreaming ends

One day I’ll fly away
Fly, fly away

“I went over just about every argument that we’d had. I had said he was careless, he said I made simple problems have difficult solutions. I said he never planned, he said I obsessed to the point of killing all spontaneity. I said he was selfish, he said I worried over him to the point of suffocation….and may be we were both right and that was why we were wrong for each other.”

– The Bonesetter’s Daughter, Amy Tan

Last Friday, I watched this movie, “In her Shoes” on TV. And there were two nice poems in that movie. The first one, this one below, is the one Maggie reads to the bed-ridden professor who helps her to address her reading disorder.

One Art by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn’t hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother’s watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn’t a disaster.

–Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan’t have lied. It’s evident
the art of losing’s not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

13.3.
It was there in my goody bag – spiral bound, logo at the bottom of every page – looking real neat. Ya, that’s the notebook am talking about. I got it the day I joined Google and it has been with me ever since…. I’ve written, scribbled, and loaded it with a bunch of papers – brochures, prints, write ups… in fact, there are so many papers, the notebook is double its size…it’s been with me to umpteen meetings, training sessions… it’s been with me each time I visited Chennai…each time I traveled some place…
Whenever I researched something online or heard about something I wanted to research….well, you know where you’d find them…

…and I lost it this morning…

I walked in with the notebook in hand because I didn’t want to forget what I wanted to do, walked into the café on my way up, and left my notebook there. It was about 2 hours before I realized what I’ve done, and I’ve been searching since then. Haven’t found it yet… been asking the security guards all day…no luck so far….

Will I ever see it again?

14.3

Yaayyyyyy…. I found it…

God only knows how much I’ve missed it!

Well, it has been ages since I had the urge to post something …but something changed this week…it is that feeling you have when the statistics becomes a gruesome reality…when that one more accident on the road happens too close home that it is not a statistic anymore….
This week began on a pretty good note – a lot of people were celebrating the valentine’s day; I was asked by umpteen people about my boyfriend (the one am yet to find), the number of roses I got (which was zero!) and so on. But for me, it was just another Monday.
After such a Monday, I woke on Tuesday to find a freaky accident in the newspaper – it was about a lorry that had hit and killed a couple (who had incidentally got their daughter engaged the previous day and were on the way to book a wedding hall), the police had got another driver take this vehicle to the nearby police station after the driver had fled. But, on the way to the police station, the driver had lost control, hit another vehicle and fatally wounded another.
I read this with a sad heart, but then it was time for me to get ready to work, so got myself going. But then, at 10am when the cab should have come home to pick me up, the travels guy calls up and says there has been an accident, you take an auto and get to work.
I presumed that it would be a minor accident and got to work. I reach Tidel and even before I get to the office, I meet one of my friends and he asks “did you know about the accident?” and then I get the details.
The vehicle, in which I had traveled till the previous night and the same one that should have been at my place that morning, had met with a nasty accident that morning en route to our place to drop another colleague…the driver had rammed into a stationary lorry and both of them were taken to GH and then shifted to Apollo. The driver was unconscious till that afternoon and was supposed to be in a critical situation but thankfully started to recover in the evening.
I did not realize the intensity of the accident till I saw the crashed vehicle myself. The Ambassador, supposed to be one of the sturdiest on Indian roads was reduced to a crumpled mess. The entire front portion was smashed, and the top was completely gone. All that remained was that back, every other part of the car was a mess.
Seeing the car I realized that they were really lucky to get alive out of that car.

From Nature

fragile and surrounded by the unseen….and we go along…spinning the web of life…

At times, we are happy about the way life goes…happy in the web we’ve spun around us…

At times, life freaks us out and we run around like crazy….only to realize we are stuck in our own web….

At times, we leave the web and venture out on a solid wall…. to realize there’s much happening beyond our boudaries… we might find another web – just like us, we might find others, willing or unwilling to talk to us…. to invite us in….

At times, we find our friends vanish overnight… did they really care all the while? or was that your assumption? You may wonder and never know the truth….

At times, we find that with one sudden, clean swipe the world around us is shattered and gone forever…

At times, we find that we can create a new web all over again…

until…. the end of our web brings our life to an end ….

It is a bright sunny morning. I am in Chennai for a long weekend – been here since Thursday. As always, days are flying by – not just when I am in Chennai. Its has been this way ever since I moved to Hyderabad.
In the past week, I’ve heard about deaths and sicknesses – am not talking about the newspapers- and now I cant help but wonder what would it be like – when I die
I hope death doesn’t take away my near and dear ones – all too soon before I reach a certain stage in life. For al the detachment, there are things for which I want them to be around.
Am sure people would say the nice things. Death – in its own way – makes people think of the nice things. If only that could happen when the person is living!!
I still wonder what people would say when I die. There are a lot of things I can guess – given the fact that I have plenty of opportunities to get feedback. But then does it really matter? It doesn’t. Even in life, am not a person who would labor over each comment. So, why am I writing this? It was a thought and I guess I was in a writing mood.

[truth is, I need some silence. Something got messed up and I don’t want to be showing my anger and annoyance on those around me. A notebook and papers in hand makes everyone leave me alone. So here I am, in my own home, pretending as if am working on something official while all am doing is, pouring my thoughts]

One of the hardest things to do on earth – Letting go. For some it is easier than the rest, nevertheless, I don’t think it is really easy for anyone – to shrug off and let go. There have been times I’ve had to let go. Am sure all of us would have gone through this – but do you struggle as much as I do or not, I’d never know. As for myself, I struggle each time I go through this. The last time I struggled as much as I am now, was a few years ago. Quite unfortunately, there are too many similarities and I can only hope I would pull through the way I did last time. There is something that comforts me a lot this time – the person I let go last time is a good pal now.
Will it happen again? I will have to wait for that…through it all….